Canadian Plan to Annex North Pole Creates Debate on Santa’s Sovereignty

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

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Vancouver, British Columbia, December 19, 2013- Canadian Finance Minister Jim Flaherty today reiterated Canada’s claim to the North Pole and surrounding territory, refusing to acknowledge the existence of Santa’s Workshop and Village as a Sovereign State.

“As Mr. Claus has never made application to, or ever been formally recognized by the United Nations, I see this purely as a taxation issue, providing the balance of the Arctic Nations agree to our claim of the North Pole” blustered Flaherty “Once the Canadian claim is internationally approved, all inhabitants will automatically become Canadian Citizens and be subject to Canadian law and taxes”

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Mayor Ford with Finance Minister Flaherty

As in previous disputes with Cabinet Ministers over their criticism of the crack smoking Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, Mr. Flaherty stated his wish that “Any advice from other Government Ministers, including the Prime Minister, is not required.”

Recently, Mr. Flaherty made headlines when he verbally abused the Employment Minister, Jason Kenney, for his public remarks regarding the Toronto Mayor. Mr, Kenney stated Mayor Ford should resign his position, not only due to crack use but also due to the support he was providing the illegal drug trade in Toronto, as well as the national embarrassment he was causing the country.

“As the Minister responsible for Toronto, I do not appreciate other Ministers commenting publicly on matters in my constituency.” huffed the Finance Minister. “I don’t go making comments about the Mayor of Calgary.”

The City of Calgary is located in Mr. Kenney’s riding. Up to the time of writing, the Mayor is in the running for the Order of Canada regarding his handling of the recent floods in that city. He has never been accused of crack use, binge drinking or embarrassing the country on a daily basis.

Mayor Ford is said to be a family friend of the staunchly supportive Flaherty. Unfortunately, both men risk being added to Santa’s naughty list.

When reached on his super secret phone number, only available to reasonably good parents with reasonably good children, Santa explained “It is surely a tax grab. I have over 500,000 elves living at the pole producing tens of millions of toys per year. The North Pole is a commune where there are no taxes and all the elves provide for each other, as they have for a thousand years. We do not recognize borders and are happy to provide services for any who believe in Santa Claus.”

“I have no weapons and provide no threat to any country. But” chuckled Santa, “I do have a naughty list, and right now Flaherty’s on it!”

Due to the cloak of secrecy surrounding the North Pole, very few have actually seen the workshop and dwellings of the elves, said to cover an area close to five square miles.

When asked for comment, Prime Minister Stephen Harper stated, “I will not comment on the affairs of either the Mayor of Toronto or the Finance Minister. I do not condone crack use and also believe in Santa Claus, but that Flaherty is one tough SOB. Look what he did to certain banks when they dared to lower interest rates!”

Humbug…

Disclaimer: This blog is based on both true and fictional accounts. The writer acknowledges that the quotes are in fact made up, other than those supplied by Santa Claus. The writer also wishes to confirm belief in Santa Claus and free markets. Merry Christmas!

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